Well, yes, I did. I said I wanted to base my relationships not on the fact of sexual fidelity but on intimacy that was grounded in an eyes-wide-open embrace of whatever life might bring. Sex with others was supposed to extreme sex sports us into questions about love, intimacy, safety and pleasure, questions that extreme sex sports would explore -- and answer -- together. Why is it so important for Americans to maintain the illusion of monogamy even at the expense of emotional honesty?
Sex as an extreme sport
So I was now dating two women; but unlike in my college episode, both of them knew about each other. Some people like extreme sports, the adrenal thrill of challenging limits and cheating death by jumping off cliffs or skiing at degree angles. If you want to bring a extreme sex sports conversation extreme sex sports a grinding halt, talk about politics or monogamy; if you want to prematurely end a flirtation, suggest that you actually consider polygamy a potential path to domestic bliss.
We tacitly competed in an effort to maintain sexual parity. I was never committed to non-monogamy, no more than I am now committed to monogamy. Is it fear of abandonment? By the end, she certainly won that absurd contest.